"The Evolution of Marriage: Unveiling the Six Essential Phases"

Farheen Akhlaq
4 min readNov 8, 2023

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Navigating the intricate path of a long-term marriage or partnership is akin to embarking on an epic journey, filled with distinct stages and pivotal phases.

This remarkable voyage is rife with smooth-sailing periods, and yet, it occasionally veers into turbulent waters, leaving us bewildered.

The ever-changing nature of enduring relationships, especially marriages, is a testament to their dynamism. While we yearn to preserve the initial fervor and love, reality reminds us that change is the only constant.

Psychologists reassure us that this ebb and flow is entirely normal. Long-term relationships are not static; they evolve. Couples, over the years, may find themselves growing in harmony or heading in entirely different directions. This is all part of the intricate tapestry of matrimony.

In the realm of science and psychology, researchers have crafted tools to gauge the state of one's marriage or long-term relationship. One such instrument, the Marital Satisfaction Scale, invites introspection on various aspects of your relationship. Delve into these statements and ponder your level of agreement with each, for they offer insights into whether

your partnership may require a little extra nurturing:

1. The profound understanding my partner and I share is a source of joy.

2. My partner's personality traits and habits bring me satisfaction.

3. Our partnership's approach to role responsibilities is a source of contentment.

4. My partner's empathy and comprehension of my moods is a comforting blessing.

5. Our communication and mutual understanding bring happiness to our connection.

6. Our relationship is a resounding success in my eyes.

7. Our decision-making and conflict resolution techniques are a source of joy.

8. Our financial position and decision-making processes bring contentment.

9. My needs find fulfillment in our relationship.

10. The management of our leisure activities and time spent together is a source of delight.

11. The expression of affection and our sexual connection leave me fulfilled.

12. Our parenting responsibilities are handled to my satisfaction.

13. Regret has never cast its shadow upon my relationship with my partner.

14. Our relationships with parents, in-laws, and friends bring contentment.

15. The alignment of our religious beliefs and values fills me with positivity.

While these assessments provide a snapshot of your relationship's current state, it's essential to remember that your partnership is in a perpetual state of evolution.

Researchers have proposed a common sequence of marital evolution, and we're about to delve into what that journey entails.

Marriage Evolution Stages

In the fascinating journey of marital evolution, we discover six distinct stages that encapsulate the profound transformations of a long-term partnership.

1. The Radiant Dawn:

In the inception, love is a radiant flame, where partners delight in fulfilling each other's needs.

Expectations harmoniously reciprocate, and marriage becomes the sanctuary of love and care. This stage deepens the couple's understanding, unburdened by daily distractions.

2. Farewell to the Honeymoon:

The blissful honeymoon phase gives way to a shift. Expectations falter, disappointment and pain creep in. Mutual responsibility persists, but behaviors turn somewhat manipulative in attempts to revive that initial "complete" love.

Love and care lose their unconditionality, and partners waver between criticism and disappointment.

3. The Battle of Equals:

Disappointment and resentment transform into anger, unleashing a power struggle punctuated by retaliatory actions. This struggle is a defense against the persistent disappointment of unfulfilled expectations. Arguments revolve around control issues, sparking conflicts over money, sex, or time spent together.

In extreme cases, extramarital affairs emerge as a means of inflicting pain.

4. Perseverance Prevails:

Emotionally drained and facing the threat of separation, spouses redirect their focus to other aspects of life, avoiding confrontation. Commitment to the marriage remains, with shared interests such as family, home-building, and career advancement becoming the center.

While romantic satisfaction wanes, a positive connection thrives through joint ventures.

5. Embracing Independence:

Partners acknowledge the fallacy of relying on each other to fulfill dependency needs.

This awakening prompts increased independence and self-assurance, as individuals seek gratification independently. Happiness shifts from the spouse to external sources, marking a phase of rekindled passion and a recognition of relationship limitations.

6. Maturity and Acceptance:

The final stage entails embracing reality and shifting focus to the present. Individuals cultivate self-reliance and acknowledge the need for maintaining separate emotional identities for a mature relationship.

Success in this stage is defined by accepting responsibility for one's joys and sorrows, leading to a deeper connection with one's partner.

In this intriguing voyage through marital evolution, remember that improvement is always possible. Even when hope seems lost, your relationship is in a constant state of flux.

While psychologists may not possess all the answers,

one thing is certain:

How you perceive your marriage in the future will undoubtedly differ from today.

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Farheen Akhlaq

prolific Medium writer, transcends boundaries with diverse, insightful content.words inspire change and foster global connections.